On the Turn

Like a pint of milk left in the fridge too long that leaves floaters on the top of your coffee; like a packet of meat that’s starting to develop a greenish tinge; like a potato that’s just starting to sprout of a piece of cucumber in the salad drawer that’s starting to go squishy…our five year old is on the turn.

He’s been a superstar for a couple of weeks, getting on well at school and being delightful company at home.  As always I wondered how the half-term holiday would go but he was OK at the beginning of the week.  We had a chill out day on Monday which he usually doesn’t like because he gets bored easily but he was surprisingly well-behaved.  On Tuesday we went to the pictures and the weather was fine so he could play out afterwards.  On Wednesday he was at my mum’s when I was at work and she said he’d been great.  But since Thursday his behaviour has started to get a bit ‘whiffy’ and there’s a subtle yet sour aroma of moodiness and tantrums lingering in the air.

He’s starting to remind me of the dumplings my mum made when I was a teenager to go with a casserole; they looked appetising yet harmless and tasted delicious but made me unexpectedly and horrendously sick afterwards.  It was a mystery why vegetable suet should have such an adverse effect…until we checked the packet and discovered it was out of date.

He’s like crackers or biscuits that have been left open in the cupboard; they look lovely and crunchy…and then you bite into them and discover they’ve gone a bit soft.  He’s like tinned goods that you become complacent about because they’ve been in you cupboard for months.  Then one day you’re scrabbling around trying to throw something together for tea because you’ve not had a chance to go shopping.  You grab a tin, dust it off and it looks perfect on the outside.  You don’t suspect anything because the label’s intact, the tin is shiny and there are no dents…but then you open it and recoil because something smells just not quite right.  A bit off.

He’s a yoghurt that you risk even though the date has passed or some cream that says it will last in the fridge for three days and you can’t remember whether you’re on day three…or four…or five.  You know you’re potentially dicing with food poisoning so a feeling of uneasiness rests in the pit of your stomach but you dismiss it as hunger because it just looks too damn delicious to resist.

He’s the bread that I made a sandwich with.  I carefully chose the filling, sat down, took a big bite…and instead of tasting ham salad, I tasted penicillin instead.  Then on close inspection I spotted the tiniest spot of green on one corner, just starting to creep in and ruin the rest of my lunch.

That’s right; my son is clearly past his ‘best before’ date and his ‘use by’ date (i.e. his good behaviour quota) has arrived.  It was good whilst it lasted.  Thank f*** they go back to school on Tuesday 😉