The Ultimate Test

I’m not drinking tonight, even though my three year old has weed on my friend’s son’s bedroom floor which is situated next to their bathroom; I’m not drinking tonight even though he’s walked home like John Wayne in wet trousers; I’m not drinking tonight even though my dog has done two wees on the floor and my eldest has walked through both of them; I’m not drinking tonight even though my sixteen month old is turning the television off every thirty seconds; I’m not drinking tonight even though when he’s not turning the television off, he’s pulling utensils out of the drawer for the puppy to chew; I’m not drinking tonight even though my three year old has told me twenty million times that I’m not cross (even though I am); I’m not drinking tonight even though he’s also fallen off the window sill after breaking the blind; I’m not drinking tonight even though I feel like wiring the puppy’s jaw shut so she can’t chew anything else; I’m not drinking tonight because I’m driving…

…However, I am DEFINITELY drinking tomorrow!