The Mother of All Invention

There’s very little that I’ve impressed myself with domestically since I’ve become a mum, but when I found myself using safety pins to ‘hem’ the bottom of Josh’s school trousers (because I couldn’t find a needle or thread), it got me thinking about all the other things I’ve had to find substitutes for…

Staples or Sellotape can also be used for hems as alternatives to safety pins when you’re short of time or just simply can’t be arsed to sew or use Wonder Web.

Permanent marker on shoes or Tippex on trainers can be used to cover scuff marks in the absence of shoe polish but be warned, you may find a domino effect occurs, because when you need a permanent marker it will have run out from using it on your shoes and you’ll have to use pink felt tip to write your son’s name on his school uniform (which doesn’t go down well).

Then, you’ll make a mistake on an application form and you’ll have run out of Tippex, so you’ll have to use a corner of an adhesive label if you’re lucky or if you’re unlucky, stick a bit of paper down with your spit (and you know how I feel about using spit as a substitute for anything).

Sanitary towels must only be used in desperate circumstances when you run out of nappies.  I’d like to say I’ve never done this but I’d be lying because I have, on the ferry travelling back from France last year.  I bought a packet of Super absorbent ones from the Duty Free shop and stuck four together, two lengthways and two around the top to make a waistband.  I’d like to say it worked a treat but they all folded in on themselves and stuck to either his clothes or him, and my little boy very nearly became my little girl.

A bit of wet tissue (ONLY wet from a tap, NOT from spit – I won’t say it again) or a tissue with sellotape over the top can be effectively used in lieu of a plaster and baby wipes can, of course, be used to clean…well, anything, really.

When you need to put your hair up and you’ve run out of bobbles, elastic bands be used instead, but they do tend to give you a temporary facelift and slowly and surely rip…each…individual…hair…out…of…your…head.  On the bright side though, if you’re bald you won’t have to worry about hair bobbles again.

The reason I can’t find a hair bobble when I need one is probably because I keep using them as a ‘toggle’ for our eldest’s Beavers’ neckertie, but only the dark brown or black ones, I don’t use a flowered scrunchy or anything, I could scar him for life (especially after the pink felt tip on his uniform debacle).

Finally, if I ever run out of soda or lemonade, I’ll just be drinking my wine neat.  I won’t be resorting to the unique mixer that my friend, Maria, came up with when we were fifteen and she decided that it would be OK to dilute wine with WHISKY.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t taste as nice as you may think, is a tad strong and your stomach tends to reject it quite violently, so this is one substitute I definitely WON’T be recommending… 🙂