‘Shit Thursday’

The anticipation is building for the event of the year… No, not Christmas Day or even Christmas Eve; forget New Years’ Eve and ‘Mad Friday’ is sooo 2010.

Because as from last year, a new Christmas tradition was born that blows all other celebrations out of the water: BOOM!  That’s right, folks.  This Thursday evening is the Big One: ‘Shit Thursday’.

I’m sorry?  What do you mean you’ve never heard of it? …OK, so maybe my friends and I only invented it last year but this year it’s building to MONUMENTAL proportions.  (Well, let’s put it this way – last year there were five of us.  This year?  More like…oh, AT LEAST ten).

It’s all anyone can talk about (within our circle of friends, anyway).  Ladies and gentlemen, history is about to be created and this thing is about to go global, baby.

Imagine, rather than queueing five deep to the bar in town, going straight to the front at your local and the barman being so keen that there are patrons on an otherwise dead as a dodo Thursday evening that he will be practically falling over himself to serve you.

Picture him almost wanting to pay you for your custom instead of being charged for the privilege of buying drinks in the very mediocre bar in town that you’ve been patronising for the past eighteen years and because they’ve put some tinsel up and the miserable bouncers are wearing Santa hats an entrance fee suddenly becomes justifiable.

Envisage being able to get seats all together and sit and chat to your friends in peace without having to play ‘duck the flying bottles’; or having your drink (that it’s just taken you two hours to queue for) spilt down you; or scrambling to avoid a drunken brawl between two people who are no doubt fighting over the one brain cell they normally share.

To top it off, the grateful staff will be so happy that you’re there and so eager to keep you there for longer that they’ll put on the karaoke machine and not even wince (well, not much, anyway) at your best Tina Turner impression.

And then, when you decide you’ve had enough (or working on the Friday dictates you’d better call it a night), you’re only around the corner from your house so there’ll be no risk of getting stranded in town with no taxis due to heavy snow, freezing off bits of your anatomy and being chatted up by inebriated apes with cider breath and B.O. (aka Mad Friday, 2010).

I’m aware that by sharing this we’re about to start a craze that will become a worldwide phenomenon, but this is my Christmas present to you if you’ve not already planned your Thursday evening.

My advice, though, is to do it now, before it all gets out of hand and becomes just too damn popular.  Because before you know it, ‘Shit Thursday’ will become the new ‘Mad Friday’ and next year we’ll be celebrating ‘Wanky Wednesday’ instead. 🙂