Role Reversal

Right, I’ve had enough.  After spending four hours cleaning on Tuesday, only to find everything just as it was by Thursday lunchtime,  I’ve decided I want a ‘Big’ scenario where I exchange places with the kids (and my husband) and take a leaf out of their book of housekeeping.

Instead of opening the remaining curtains in a morning, I’m going to go round pulling the rest of them shut…and then switch on all the lights to provide alternative illumination during the daylight hours and light up our house like a beautiful (and expensive) Christmas tree.

I’m going to pull the clean towels out of the drawer, put the shower on and then play a game – I’ll wet some slightly, I’ll soak some, I’ll leave some completely clean and dry and I’ll use one to mop up a dubious puddle – and then I’ll leave them all in a pile and let everyone guess which one to use.

Instead of polishing, I’m going to smear my hands with chocolate (after eating lots of it, obviously.  It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it), go round leaving sticky handprints on every available surface and then I’m going to rub it all over my face and go round kissing all the windows and mirrors.

Instead of mopping the floor, I’m going to go into the garden in bare feet and then trail a perfect line of muddy footprints right through the house.  Actually, I’ll go the whole hog and roll around in the mud and then come in and lie on the settee (preferably on a pile of clean clothes that are patiently awaiting the helpful little house fairies to put them away).

Instead of vacuuming, I’m going to vigorously rub the dog and then scatter her hairs all over the floor (I’d rub my own head but I’m now sadly lacking in the hair department – see ‘Memory Loss’) and then crumble some breadsticks and crackers between the cushions of the settee to join the abandoned crayons, coins, Snap cards and other general detritus.

I’m going to pull all the pairs of shoes out of wardrobes and then place them strategically where they are in optimum position to trip people up (top of the stairs, right behind the front door and smack bang in the centre of the room).

I’ll then pull the clean clothes out and scatter some on the floor, drape some prettily over furniture and leave some in a screwed up ball (then someone else can do the ‘sniff test’ to ascertain whether they’re actually dirty or not).

…And then, as a grand finale…I’m going to crouch down and wee on the floor 🙂