Marvellous Multi-Tasking

I’ve decided that I’m going to enter Britain’s Got Talent next year as the ‘Multi-Tasking Marvel’, and demonstrate just how many things mums (and occasionally dads) can do simultaneously, or even one-handed (don’t be smutty).

I’m going to feed a small child…and also manage to finish my own meal without spilling (much).  I’m going to carry a toddler on one hip, pull a pushchair out of the boot of the car and put it up, single handedly and with a flourish.

I’m going to show the number of ways you can avoid getting baby poo on yourself whilst you manage to scrabble for some wipes when you’re changing a nappy (holding both ankles with one hand, rugby-balling them under one arm, pinning them down with an elbow…)

I’m going to demonstrate getting ready for a night out, regardless of the small child suspended from one leg.  I’m going to run their bath, clean their teeth and wipe their noses whilst I continue to apply my makeup, even managing to curl my eyelashes without losing an eye.

I’m going to hold a cupboard shut with one knee to keep a toddler out whilst brandishing a sharp knife as I chop vegetables for tea, and still have all my digits intact (well, most of them, anyway).

I’m going to show the multitude of tasks I can carry out with a toddler fidgeting on my knee; typing on a computer, cashing up for my husband, writing a birthday card, signing a letter for school and helping an older child with homework.

I will sweep and mop the floor, irrespective of the puppy hanging off the end and will show that I can push a pram whilst: carrying shopping, holding the hand of another child, holding a medium-sized dog (Kate, you know who you are!) and lugging various items on the school run, and then I’ll text and carry out a full conversation on my mobile whilst pushing the pram with, wait for it…only my elbows.

Obviously to make it more interesting I’ll carry out all of these tasks wearing only nipple tassles, a thong and possibly a feather boa (well, I don’t want it to look tacky).

And for the grand finale…I’ll colour my hair whilst on the toilet (yes, really) and make the children breakfast, wash up and feed the pets, all whilst bleaching my moustache. Now if that’s not talented, then I don’t know what is 🙂