I’m Not Going to Beg…

I’m not going to beg, I’m not going to plead, it just wouldn’t be dignified.

I’ll simply remind you of the many things I’ve shared, often at the expense of my pride.

I’ve described in great detail the time I loudly fanny farted in the middle of a yoga class,

And how I became a reluctant fairground attraction when I friction-burned my ass.

I’ve not been shy in admitting that I have a major problem with Mickey Mouse,

I’ve waxed lyrical about bastard socks and the general shit-hole state of my house.

I’ve recounted numerous times, in various formats, our many disastrous school runs,

And attempts to have a bath in peace without the thrutching sounds of one of my sons.

I’ve told you about the occasion I fell over in public, I’ve insisted that women don’t nag,

I’ve promised profusely that I’m so addicted to blog that if you like me, your leg I’ll shag.

I’ve written a bedtime rhapsody and about communication techniques for the youth of today;

I’ve contrasted my life now to before I had children and how hard it is when they have to go away.

I’ve recounted the tale of when I got stuck in a loo and when my husband attacked a three-legged dog;

And the time I asked Philip and Holly if my children are normal and about writing the odd sadistic blog.

I’ve imagined myself starring on Britain’s Got Talent, as the Marvellous Multi-Tasking Mum

And as a spy giving Bond a run for his money and planning a party with ice-cream on my bum.

Against the odds I was sober for one whole month and couldn’t wait for November to start;

And only once I was drinking again could I really appreciate how much my children own my heart.

I’ve explained why the Smurfs ruined my life and how having kids is like being on I’m a Celebrity;

I had a tantrum trauma at Tesco and on the horrors of the half-term hols. I wrote a cute little ditty.

It just so happens by pure chance or good luck, it’s simply a random coincidence I swear

That now is the time for the MADs Award nominations…not, you understand, that I care.

I can take it or leave it, this blogging lark, I’m really not as obsessed as I seem;

It’s not like winning awards, getting kudos and accolades is something of which I dream.

But IF you decided to devote a couple of minutes of your time for favourite blogs to nominate

By voting for blogs that move you, for those that make you laugh or ones that you just think are great,

If you can spare a vote for Most Entertaining, Family Fun, Best Writer or even Blog of the Year

You’d make my day and I’d drink less wine (not) if you enjoy my blog enough just to click here.