I Know My Rights!

Laws are being broken in this house as I speak; rules and regulations are being carelessly flouted and my basic human rights are not being satisfactorily met.  I demand that action be taken!

Firstly, Environmental Health Law states that noise in the workplace ‘should not exceed 85 decibels’.  Pah!  Our television is louder than that and I HAVE NOT been provided with suitable ear protection to drown out the high-pitched screaming of my hyperactive children.

Apparently this doesn’t apply to the music and entertainment sectors; does our house come under either of those categories, I wonder?  None of us can sing but that small detail doesn’t stop anyone.  And I do sometimes feel like Coco the Clown as I try inventive new ways to keep my little darlings entertained 24/7 if that counts?

The regulations also state that this doesn’t apply to non-work activities (well I’m not bloody doing this for kicks, am I?) or when it’s a ‘informed choice to go to noisy places’. (Since when is having children a ‘informed choice’?  If we knew what they were really like beforehand we’d have all taken a vow of celibacy a long time ago).

Environmental Health are also responsible for ‘protecting the public against the threat of disease’; so where are they when I’m having to fight off snotty kisses or cleaning skid marks off my jeans?

Then, according to Employment Law, workers are officially entitled to a ‘uninterrupted 20 minute break’ if they work more than six hours. Can anybody else hear a strange ‘oinking’ from overhead?  Anyone else just see a flash of winged bacon?

Also (and you’re going to laugh at this; I did), there should be ’11 hours rest between working days’.  I know!  I’d be holding my stomach with laughter if I wasn’t curled up in the foetal position…

It gets better.  Did you know that a worker should also get ’24 UNINTERRUPTED hours without work each week’ or that the maximum weekly working hours are 48 hours a week?  Anybody else guffawing through their tears?

The only thing I’m not pushing for is a permanent contract.  Please, God, don’t let this be a permanent contract.  They have to leave home some time, right? 🙂