Guilt Trip

Stuck for something to do over the half term holiday?  Then why not go on an all-inclusive Guilt Trip to the town of Inadequate in Parentsville?  As parents you’ll all have been on at least one a day since having children but don’t worry if you’ve forgotten your way; your kids know the EXACT route to get you there, even if you end up crawling in on your knees.

Ah, the good ol’ Park of Parenthood.  You’ll be torn when you arrive, as you always are; they’re touting again to get you in the ‘Me Time’ tent, with special offers on a vast array of hobbies, hot baths and the Deal of the Day, a poo in peace with FREE magazines to read!

Uh-oh, the professional parents over at the ‘Quality Time’ tent are shooting you dirty looks again.  Looks like your resolve’s going to crumble and you’ll put your kids first yet again, however exhausted and in need of a break you are.  This is a ‘Guilt Trip’, after all.

Next, get those kids on the Swings of Success and push for all you’re worth to send them soaring; just make sure you spend EXACTLY the same amount of time on each child’s swing though.  You don’t want to be pushing one child higher than the other and get arrested by the Favouritism Police, now do you?  Your kids will be still be holding it against you in fifty years’ time.

A dilemma.  Your kids are in the Conflict Cars bashing the living daylights out of each other.  Do you a) get in between them, risking life and limb to get to the bottom of the problem b) ignore them and hope they sort it themselves before they kill each other c) shout, threaten, cajole, bribe, cry d) start hauling yourself up the Count Down to Bedtime Wall?

If you chose a): Good for you.  Hope it worked out for you and you weren’t too badly maimed.  If you chose b) or c): Congratulations!  You found a coping mechanism that didn’t involve rocking and dribbling in a corner.

If you chose d): The first rule is don’t look down, it’ll just emphasise how far you’ve still got to go.  Repeat the following mantra, ‘I can do this, I can do this’ to block out those guilt feelings that creep in because you’re basically admitting that your children sometimes get on your nerves.  Keep going and before you know it you’ll have reached Alcohol Apex, sometime between 7-9pm.

Whatever else you do on your trip, DON’T GET ON THE STEPFORD WIFE SLIDE!  It’s literally a slippery slope, people; balancing work and children, spending time together as a couple, having ‘family time’, cooking, cleaning, sorting out bills, kids’ parties, school trips, homework…Once you start to slip you’ll be left with bleeding stumps where your nails used to be from trying to claw your way back up.

Can I make a recommendation?  Avoid the Perfect Parents’ Party; it’s always virtually deserted, save for a few voices competing to loudly pronounce their children’s many talents and prodigy status (their children will be the miserable looking ones sitting outside, not allowed to play in case they get their clothes dirty).

Instead, take a walk through the Maze of Mirrors; sometimes your old self will be distorted beyond recognition but sometimes you’ll catch a glimpse of them.  More often you’ll see the new and improved you, the parent you, more selfless than you’ve ever been, kept youthful on the inside and able to see the funny side of life more than you ever have.

You’ll see laughter lines from all the times your kids have cracked you up.  You’ll feel sure you see your heart swelling so much with love that it’s bursting out of your chest.  You’ll most definitely see a person that’s standing a little taller because they’ve had the honour of becoming A Parent.  You’ll just have to look hard past the increasingly grey hair, fine lines and saggy bits…