Fun for a Fiver

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These are my recommendations for how to have fun for a fiver:

1. Try to think of an elf prank that you can easily do when you return from a work’s do at 2.30am *slightly inebriated.
2. Traipse around several pound shops and the party section of Tesco trying to find *hilarious disguises that the elves can wear.
3. After *much deliberation, settle on some moustache drinking straws and goggle eye glasses for £1 each.
4. Buy a £1 glow band for each child as a cheap and easy way for the elves to *win their affection.
5. Place items in an easy to remember place that is out of the sight and reach of little eyes and fingers, especially those of an *inquisitive eight year old.
6. Return from said night out, *carefully place goggle glasses on elves and the moustache straws strategically placed to make it look as though the elves are drinking juice through them.
7. Eat the biscuits you’ve left as a snack for the elves because you’re a bit *peckish.  No need to purposely leave crumbs, just don’t use a plate.
8. *Go to bed.
9. Wake up to *delighted children informing you of what the elves have done this time.
10. Sit back and *feel the Christmas spirit as they try to think of how the elves have managed to obtain the disguises. These will range from standing on each other’s heads and wearing an overcoat to pretend they’re an adult, to sneaking through the automatic doors and past the staff to use the self-serve tills.

After spotting the car keys on the table (not deliberate, just forgot to move them) they will subsequently spend ages deliberating how the elves managed to drive the car there (like the penguins on Madagascar they split up so that one sits on the accelerator, one steers and one changes gears. It’s obvious, according to our eight year old).  They may at some point suggest that the elves have simply illegally shoplifted the goods.  At this point you may need to intervene and point out that this would surely put them on Santa’s ‘naughty’ list which may not set a good example to children around the world.  You can just imagine the headlines…

Et voila!  Hours of *fun for a fiver 😉

• *very inebriated.
• *cheap disguises.
• *not a lot of deliberation, to be honest.  I was more concerned with getting it sorted quickly so I could get on with my night out.
• *get them off your back for a bit.
• *nosey eight year old.  He could put the Spanish Inquisition to shame.
• *drunkenly push.
• *have drunken munchies.
• *stagger to bed.
• *hyperactive.
• *sit hung-over and wonder why you drank so much and went to bed so late. 
• *entertained children when you’re feeling a little ‘delicate’.