Eight Tooth Assassin

Watch out, the Eight Tooth Assassin is about.  He’ll steal your food from under your very nose; he’ll smear banana on your clean clothes, quick as a flash; he’ll munch on doggy treats the moment your back is turned; he’ll boil your clothes on a 90 degree wash if your attention is diverted, even for a moment; he’ll record a random programme on Sky Plus and you’ll be made to question just how long your other half has been enjoying the QVC Beauty Channel; he’ll fling open a door just as you go to open it from the other side and give you concussion; he’ll pretend he wants a cuddle and when he gets down from your knee, the only evidence he’s been there will be a skid mark on your jeans; he’ll hide your phone and keys just as you’re about to set off on the school run; he’ll spot an open stair gate from a hundred metres; and if you’re not careful, he’ll be out of the door without a trace, probably to visit Pet Warehouse…