Diary of a Slummy Mummy

Saturday

Weather was bad today, blowing a blizzard.  Was told that Beaver activity day was still on despite the weather.  Was so busy trying not to think of a very different ‘beaver activity day’ that I sent him without a packed lunch.  Oops.  On the plus side, I thought of some fun things that the alternative beavers could do:

Activity One – Impressions: ‘Look at me!’ Grabs a small stick off the floor and hugs it.  “I’m a chipolata in a wind tunnel!’

Activity Two – Shapes:(in the style of Mister Maker)  ‘I am a shape!  I am a shape!  I’m a triangle!’  ‘I’m a rectangle!’  ‘I’m not a shape!  I’m a busy mummy’s messy muff!’

Activity Three – Exercise: ‘Right come on you beavers!  Say goodbye to your saggy bits and Tena Ladies and hello to your pelvic floors!’  ‘Err, Boss Beaver?’  ‘Yes?’  ‘What’s a pelvic floor?’

Sunday

Decorated eggs today to look like Skylanders for pre-schooler’s nursery competition.  Hubby and I had an ‘egg-off’, which involved…well, not the kids, that’s for sure.  They’d just make a mess of them.  As usual, hubby got really competitive and I acted like I didn’t care and that it should be about the children so I could excuse mine looking crap.

Monday

One of the decorated eggs cracked on the way into nursery so when we removed the box lid all the nursery staff had to cover their noses from the eggy stench that was permeating the classroom…then I found out they don’t judge them until Thursday so they’re stuck with the smell all week.  They looked a bit egg-asperated at the fact, to be honest.

Tuesday

Sent eldest into school with his packed lunch…which was still intact when he came out of school because he was having a special Easter lunch that I’d already paid for but not tattooed on my forehead to remind myself.  He didn’t bother, though, just ate it on the way home as a ‘snack’ before his tea (sooo going to need to remortgage house to pay for food when he’s eighteen).

Wednesday

Went to eldest’s school assembly about ‘faith’.  Had youngest on my knee who alternated between wiping his snotty nose on my shoulder and shouting, ‘Hiya, Dosh!’ at his big brother.  ‘Dosh’ reluctantly waved, mortified…and then pretended not to know us.

Went to a psychic night in the evening but almost didn’t get there because the taxis were on strike. You’d think he’d have seen that one coming and warned us, wouldn’t you?  Boom, boom.  We were just relieved it wasn’t cancelled due to ‘unforeseen circumstances’.  Geddit?  (I’m not taking the ‘credit’ for that one.  Got it from a friend).

Enough now.

Thursday

Sent pre-schooler to nursery today in his uniform…to find everyone else in their own clothes.  Took him home to get him changed, put him in a black Star Wars jumper, then got back to nursery…and discovered they were meant to be in bright clothes because of the Easter concert.  Knobhead.

Watched concert which was lovely (apart from the fact that my son looked like he was going to a funeral) and joined in the songs with a little too much gusto, to the intense embarrassment of my four year-old.

Look, I don’t get out much, OK?  I’ve got to get my kicks somehow.  Happy Easter, everyone!  Have a great Bank Holiday weekend 🙂