The Dash

On Monday it was the first anniversary of my mother-in-law’s death.  My husband wanted to let it pass as quietly as possible and treat it like any other day…as much as he could in the circumstances.

My close friend, who lost her mum last April, had been invited to a memorial service at the hospital where her mum had been treated.  She found the service helpful in terms of putting some of her feelings of grief into perspective, so she brought round the booklet in the hope it could do the same for E.

I’m not sure if he’s read it yet – that’s his choice whenever he feels ready.  I did, however, when he was upstairs.  My friend told me her fiance found it useful too, in understanding the overwhelming grief of losing a parent and in giving the support but also the room to a loved one to go through it in their own way, at their own speed.

As I read thought the booklet, this poem was the one that I felt summed up life and death most effectively and resonated the most with me, which is why I’m sharing it on Prose for Thought today:

The Dash
by Linda Ellis copyright 1996

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars, the house, the cash
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?