Blog Embargo

Since the last time I blogged…

…A family of three with four brown, rotten teeth between them, wearing shellsuits that wouldn’t have been ‘in’ in 1990, who stunk of booze and had hairstyles that included a comb over and a Vicky Pollard-esque ponytail, reversed full pelt into my car and then proceeded to yell abuse and expletives at me.

I’ve been doing workouts that have consisted of ‘banana rolls’, ‘Sphinx push ups’, ‘low lateral skaters’ and a ‘plank to chataranga run’, which, as well as being painful, have made me look not only unfit but also ungraceful, ungainly and embarrassingly unlike the instructors on the screen.

The b*****d dog has chewed up another three of her beds and my boys have learnt the ‘pull my finger’ move from their dad.

My seven year old has started to speak like a gangsta rapper and can no longer pronounce ‘ts’ in the middle of words (scoo-er, be-er) or ‘gs’ on the end of words (goin’, walkin’, talkin’); our three year old is…well, basically being as hard work as he was before and our twenty one month old has tried to escape from his car seat, his pram, a toddler group, the school yard and a birthday party.

I’ve gone out with Spiderman stickers stuck to my boob, a drip of snot hanging permanently off the end of my nose due to a stinking cold and I’ve started waving to people in the street when walking the dog, only to realise afterwards that I had a big bag of dog poo suspended from my finger of the same hand…

…And I’ve not been able to blog about any of it because, to add insult to injury, the bloody modem broke! 🙂