Biology

On his camping weekend with the Beavers, our seven year old bought a sticky alien that you put in the fridge and apparently has a baby in three weeks.  As we travelled home in the car he informed us, ‘This is a girl alien because she has a big head which means she’s going to have a baby.  She needs a winky too; a big head and a winky.’

I don’t know if he thinks that the big head thing just applies to aliens or whether he’s constantly examining the size of women’s heads to judge if they’re about to give birth, but at least he remembered that winkies have their part to play too, especially after I’d had the conversation with him about where babies come from.

He was getting traumatised by the idea of doctors ruthlessly slicing women open to take babies out of their stomachs, so I told him the truth and amid hysterical laughter, he exclaimed, ‘So babies come out of ladies’ winkies!!’.

Yep, I found it ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS too, all three times that a baby came out of my winky.

A few weeks after this conversation he walked into the bathroom at an inopportune moment during a certain time of the month.  ‘Oh, I get it,’ he said.  ‘That’s like a cork to stop the blood from falling out, but when you have a baby in your tummy, the baby’s head is like the cork.’

I started to explain about womb linings but he just looked at me blankly so I just said, ‘Yep, the baby’s head is the cork.’

I just hope he’s got a better grasp of biology by the time he’s ready for a serious relationship; he’ll assess whether she’s got a good, childbearing head, laugh every time he looks at her tuppence and be terrified that instead of the magical, life changing experience of having a baby, once the ‘cork’ is removed his partner is going to spew blood like an erupting volcano 🙂