4x4s and Penis Envy

I don’t like to admit to being the sort of person that experiences road rage; after all, it’s not very dignified, is it?

However, anyone who knows me will testify that I am VERY stubborn and can have a temper when provoked, so every now and again I succumb to exchanging heated words with a fellow driver who thinks they own the road because they have testicles and a big car.

One such incident took place about an hour ago, when I was on the way back to my friend’s house from picking up my son from nursery.  Now, if I remember rightly from studying the Highway Code, a person driving up an incline has right of way over someone coming down, unless the road is narrowed due to obstructions on their side (or something like that, anyway).

Apparently, though, there’s a different Highway Code if you’re driving a 4×4 because you have a small penis.  One element in isolation is fine, but a combination of the two results in a breathtaking arrogance that makes you believe you can drive past a passing point on your side and continue ploughing down the road, expecting everyone else to move out of the way.

I think not.  We came nose to nose and sat stationary in the road, eyeing each other.  He signalled for me to reverse to let him through.  I signalled back something that I hope conveyed the sentiment, ‘That will only happen when hell freezes over, pal.’

He signalled some more.  I sat and waited.  He got out of his car, came over and I would my window down.  I wish I hadn’t bothered.  He came to demonstrate his vast intelligence and biting wit by calling me ‘a silly cow’, with my four-year old sat in the back.  Gentlemanly AND classy, what a catch.  I bet his wife sitting in the passenger seat felt so proud.

Then he repeated his order for me to reverse, obviously thinking that his charm had won me over.  I told him not to get abusive and to pull onto the low curb at his side so that I could get past.

He glared at me, obviously not used to being stood up to. (His poor wife.  I hope he’s stinking rich).  I asked him to pull onto the curb again.  He got back into his car and sat still. We had a stand-off for a couple of minutes…then he pulled in.

He furiously wound down his window to hurl some more abuse as I went past but as the triumph was mine, I decided to infuriate him more by smiling as I drove past whilst muttering (‘idiot’) under my breath.

Slightly shaky but smug mum of three, one.  Arrogant tosser, nil. 🙂